I think I’m relying on myself too much again. My confidence should be in God and not in my abilities. I’m getting lost and weary. I keep thinking of ways to refresh myself like sleeping earlier but i fail to see that the only way i should refresh myself is to go back to Him. God is the only one who can truly provide me with rest.

Help me to come back to you Lord, help me to keep my eyes fixed on You and to focus on your ways, for You are the sole provider and You always have the best plan for me.

Bought 2 novels on Sunday when walking around with Ming Ming after Hikari. Never bought a novel before in my life and the first time iI do it I bought 2. Lol. I figured reading more would do me more good than harm. It can probably help in my patience, help in my writing, etc etc (hopefully). Well, the first novel, Pig Island by Mo Hayder (it was highly recommended by Ming Ming), is pretty good up till this point (I’m already halfway through it) so let’s hope it can retain my interest all the way till the end.

I never thought that reading and writing are things that I’d actually do on a regular basis but now that I’ve gotten down to it, they turn out to be pretty good hobbies. Let’s see how long I can keep at them.

It was a simple affair compared to many of the grand weddings that I have been to before, but truth to be told, this was a wedding which I felt I’ve enjoyed the most.

Everything was simple and basic. No major surprises (except for one small one), no focus on what should be done or what should be said. But through this simplicity, it was the loving heart of the family that shone.

My aunt is an easily contented woman. My cousin teared when he was giving his speech. He’s not a great speaker by any means, but I felt that those simple thank yous spoke more than any other huge words can express. As he teared on stage, so did she. And when he surprised her with a bouquet of flowers, that was when their unspoken love shone through. And she never stopped smiling.

Everyone was having a ball of a time, and they seemed to be truly enjoying themselves. There were no feelings of “Oh I’m here cos I was invited”. Everyone seemed to be there because they genuinely wanted to be there to celebrate their marriage. It was a really great experience.

I wish you all the happiness in the world, cousin, and I wish that your love for your wife will strengthen daily.

Sometimes it really seem impossible to finish everything on time. I can’t split myself into 2 to do the 2 different tasks due at the same time, can I? And more importantly, quality of a work is proportionate to amount of time taken. So sometimes I think that too much is expected from us when work needs to be fast and good.

Maybe I need to learn how to voice out more next time.

The COO, all ‘wise’ and clever in many terms, went undercover and spent a week working at the lower rungs of the corporate ladder to get a better feel of how his company works. And at the end of the show, he came to realize that he has drawn too clear a line between work and personal. Everything has been about spreadsheets and presentations, and he failed to see the human nature behind the work.

In particular, there was this jockey valet whose daughter was born with a defect in her heart. She wanted to be a jockey and he was going to train her to be one, but she sadly passed away at the age of 20 years old. And when the COO was too focused on the figures and stats of the company, he realized that they only represent half of the picture. The figures simply do not represent the people that were working for him.

And this seemed to emphasize a point that has been repeated. Man’s wisdom, or God’s wisdom?

We are always striving to better ourselves, to fight for that next better qualification, that next better paycheck, that next better social status. But have we lost our human nature in this rat race?

We have always been told that seeking such man’s wisdom is the only way to ensure a satisfactory life, but I think this show is just another proof point that our own wisdom, or what we like to call them, often just fails us.

God’s ways have never been about achievements. It was always about us, with all our imperfections. God does not care about what we can achieve, because it is not about what we do, but our hearts that matter.

I have to be honest, I’m one of those guys who place a lot of faith in my own efforts and I always strive to achieve the best that I can. And I fear that I’m missing out on the main point. Therefore, Lord, I ask that you constantly remind me, and keep it engraved in my heart that I will never forget your ways, that I will never forget you are the only one that matter.

Sometimes I question if it’s me who’s not adaptable, if it’s me who are still holding on to values that are deemed out of fashion.

And just as I was finding my way amidst all these doubts, He spoke.

My pastor spoke of a holy discontentment that we ought to have. A holy discontentment that makes us incapable of allowing our spiritual lives to be stagnant. A holy discontentment that makes us realize that the ways of this world are never going to bring us true love and satisfaction. For this world itself is imperfect. How can an imperfect entity (us) relying on another imperfect entity (the world) bring about satisfaction in life? Two wrongs simply do not make one right.

Maybe God has been trying to use all the frustrations with the world that I was facing to tell me that His presence is the reason why I’m frustrated with the world.

I guess this is another reminder that I should let go and just rely on the Perfect One, and follow His ways.

As I was observing them, I can’t help but notice how kids always seem to be always carefree and enjoying life as it is.

And this suddenly had me thinking: what has happened to all of us as we have grown older? Are we the ones who have gotten ignorant and lost as we grow more ‘mature’?

So I tweeted this question, which appeared on my facebook wall, and 2 friends replied with a yes. Seems that we all are kinda sick with life as it is.

How did we become this way? Maybe we’ve been trying too hard to achieve what others tell us what we should be achieving.

Maybe if we look at what we have in greater detail, we might see that we richer that we thought. Maybe we just need to realize that we are humans, and we can’t achieve everything. The constant strive to achieve is only going to burn us out.

Maybe we just need to be contented.

To be really honest, I’ve always found no reason to blog or tweet much. Do people really care that much about what you are saying?

Social media is the next big thing, and definitely so for businesses as it represents a new (and maybe more effective) way to communicate with its publics. But for the rest of us, just what does the social media represents?

Maybe social media is just a tool for the “I” in individualism to be emphasised more. Question is, is it really because we need to be heard, or was this need created in us?

not too long ago i’ve been feeling kinda low, a bit pessimistic as to what’s going to happen to my life. and being the usual competitive me, i started to think about what i can do to make my life wonderful and to be rich in the future blahblahblah tt kind of things.

and den recently, i’ve made it a point to start reading the bible every night before sleeping (yes i noe it should be a habit by now). and as usual, God shook me real hard to make me see things His way.

the thing is, why am i so competitive for? wat’s there to win? victory has alrd been won by God. and with God as my provider and Lord of my life, wat’s there to fight for other than the glory of God? and why should i worry abt being rich? the very fact that i’m here right now, enjoying luxuries that some ppl might not have, shld be why i am happy.

not only that, juz the mere fact that i’m right here now, breathing and having this relationship with God shld be why i am to be happy. juz think abt how many ppl might not have the chance to ever noe God? and God sacrificed His only son juz so i can enjoy this relationship with Him. how wonderful is tt?

there is no more reason to be competitive to win. i have no reason to blame myself or feel worried when i’ve done my best and yet i still make mistakes. i shld alrd be thankful for even having the chance to do what i am doing now.

and here comes the main point. i shld be doing everything with a heart of gratitude to God. God saved me and gave me all these opportunities and talents to do what i can do. so i shld be thankful in all that i do, and give glory to Him. if we all can do this, we will all be contented with what we have, and we will be so much happier. at least tt’s the way i feel now. suddenly there’s this calmness and peace within me now that i’m able to smile at everything tt happens, be it good or bad. so wonderful and so amazing.

thank you God.

new sem, new stuff to do. things are only going to get harder but tt’s the whole point abt living isn’t it? to constantly strive to do your best in every situation, no matter how hard it is. just got to keep going on.

thinking of signing on with the police. no idea why but like v pessimistic abt the future. lol. maybe i think too much. but looking at the kinds of commitments i’m gg to have in the future just sort of scares me a little and makes me want to secure something first. but hey, at least i can find more joy in police than in a typical 9 to 5 job. for me at least. lol.

well, have got to learn how to think less. haha. maybe ignorance is really bliss.