i saw her again today. it has now been reduced to almost no eye contact at all. i dun understand why things have to be like tt. she says she needs time and say not to contact her. but how much time is enuf? are we gg to juz try to avoid each other for the rest of our lives? think abt it.

i’m alrd not gg for CG in church cos of this. and now whenever i go for a church, i feel like a fugitive. imagine tt: feeling like a fugitive in the house of the Lord where i’m supposed to be at peace from everything else. i have to try to make sure that i will not bump into her juz in case there’s awkwardness. and i chose this because i dun wan her growth as a Christian to be stumbled. and yet i feel my own growth slowing down. i’ve known my CG mates for quite sometime and some of them were my JC mates. it nv really dawned upon me how close i am to my CG until now. i actually find myself missing the times when i’ll juz fool around with them.

seriously, the more i think abt it, the more pissed i end up getting. even at this point of time, i’m thinking of how things would be the best for her, wat i should do so that she can move on and stuff. but wat abt me? even now when i see some of our mutual friends, i dunno wat to do. i dun even really dare to talk to them. this ripple effect is really getting to be quite big. does she even noe all these things that i’m doing? does it have to be to the extent that i might as well juz disappear from all our mutual social circles? wth.

i noe i didn’t handle the situation well and ppl would say that i’ve alrd moved on so who cares. but it doesn’t mean that it wun hurt to see someone who was so close to u become so far apart from u. yes, reconcilation takes two to work, but how long more can i wait? how much more can i take? my hand is always outstretched but i’m seriously asking myself why i do that.

hate me if u want. but dun drag others whom i love and cherish into this. screw this shit.